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Someone {well meaning, of course} sent me a poem the other day. It was a poem about going from having one child to having two children. It talked about learning how to split your love in half. I'm not going to post it here, because just thinking about that wretched poem makes me start sobbing, and I really don't want to stare at it on my blog. Sorry. Use your imagination.
But this thing has had me thinking {and bawling my eyes out}. I know this is an emotion that nearly every mother has experienced, but that doesn't make it easier. I want my little Sunbean's life to be happy and fun. I want her to feel the love of her parents, and I want to teach her to feel the love of her Heavenly Father. All of these things are possible with several siblings, but the transition will be tough {for both of us}.
I think this is weighing especially heavy on my mind, in particular, because I don't have happy memories with my siblings. That's because I don't have any siblings. I'm an only child, so I don't know the fun, excitement, and camaraderie of brothers and sisters. I witness it all the time, especially with MacGyver and his family, but that doesn't help in this particular scenario. I've enjoyed being an only child, but it makes this next step in our lives something quite new for me.
So after a few days of moping and freaking out, I decided the best thing to do would be to just make each of these last days with the Sunbean count as much as possible. I know that when Little Dude arrives {seriously, buddy, any freaking time now}, I'll need to give him more of my time at first. There will be the hospital stay {my first time away from the Sunbean}, and then the first few days at home, getting nursing established. So while I'll still be there for my little girl, my time won't be all hers anymore. So we've been playing the games she wants to play, getting out the toys she wants out, and even going to the places she wants to go {how lucky am I that her favorite place to go is Starbucks?!?}.
But the past few days sure have been fun! It's not a parenting style I could do every day {there are, unfortunately, things like dishes and laundry and dirt and dust and church responsibilities and groceries and bow businesses that also fight for my time}, but I have loved setting everything else aside for a few days. It's been fun to see what the Sunbean chooses when the choice is all hers.
Lots of people {again, well meaning, I'm sure} have been telling me how 'terrible' the Sunbean will act when Little Dude arrives. They've been sharing stories of their own children who stopped eating, sleeping, had potty trouble, etc. I really hope that this major life event doesn't shake her to the very core {as so many helpful people predict}, but I know it will change all of our lives.
And why shouldn't it? Our family is getting a new person! We'll all need to get to know each other, and that will take time and patience. But we figured out life with one kid, so I think we'll figure out life with two kids.
So from now until Little Dude decides to make his debut {I'm hoping for right now}, you can find me playing on the floor with my little girl.
9 comments:
David's transition to a sibling has been great for us! We made sure that he was one of the first to meet her, we made sure he was brought by to visit her every day in the hospital. We also made sure that he stayed with a relative that could give him 100% attention for the first week so he knew he wasn't getting left behind. We made sure we were spoiling him, too. He still loves her 2 months later. He gives her kisses, hugs, tries to pick her up (eek!) when she cries. Sunbean will love him, even if not right away.
Also, I thought it would be hard to love the two the same, but it just comes naturally. Especially having two children with different genders helps, too. They have different personalities that makes them easy to love individually.
P.S. I'm an only, too!
Good luck and I hope Little Dude comes sooner rather than later!
It is different, but in such a good way. I know you probably weren’t hoping for a bunch of ‘it will be fine’ responses, but truly, it will be. Anne loves Kyla, probably as much as anyone, maybe more. She has adjusted fine, and in fact sleeps better (even with them being in the same room). Her first question in the morning is where her sister is. Did I cry the night before Anne was born? Absolutely. It wasn’t going to be me and Adam anymore. But when she came she just made things better. Did I cry before Kyla was born? Absolutely. My attention would have to be divided. But your love doesn’t get cut in half-it doubles. I couldn’t picture life now without either of them. Every child goes through an adjustment period, (and to be honest every mom too) and before you know it, sunbeam won’t remember life without little dude either. It will be wonderful. But if you just want to sit and have a good cry-I won’t judge you.
I think people exaggerate how bad it is, maybe because in the moment when you are so tired it feels like it. Sure there are adjustments, but my kids never had a problem being together, we've had more of a problem when they are separated. Sure they fight over toys, but it is a lesson they are learning.
When Jake plays with the kids he tries to do most stuff one on one. It use to bug me so bad. All day I had been working on getting them to play together and do things together and then he would separate them. Now I see that both is important and since H is in preschool now, I have one on one time with N. N hated it at first and would cry until H came home. But now we have fun together.
Best to you - hopefully little dude comes soon!
It was the complete OPPOSITE for us when Taylor was born. Although I never thought it possible, I loved Jaden even more. She was (still is) such a big helper and loved her new baby sis more than life! Almost two years later, they are best friends. I was worried about the wholse sharing my love thing, but i didn't have to share it because my love doubled! I never had to love Jaden any less because I loved Taylor just as much. Good luck with these last few days/weeks!! I can't wait to see pics of Little Dude and Sunbean together :o) You are truly blessed and I wish you the best!!
I used to fret over this constantly. With every kid too, even though I knew it always turned out and it's for the best ... I always thought I was ruining the youngest's life. But watching your older child just LOVE that baby makes it all ok.
That's good that you are doing some extra fun things these last few days. I'm impressed you are doing anything!
Yeah I don't know what crazy people have been telling you those horror stories but I think more children make more fun. If the little girl is excited about having little dude arrive and you are just as excited then I am sure there will be no problems. That is why we have babies come out of us and not toddlers. I am sure Sunbean will be a great big sister and love little dude with all her heart. And it is not about splitting you love in half it is about your love growing! Congrats by the way! Hope he gets here soon.
Weirdly, I have always thought that I spend more time with each girl alone than I did before Vivi was born. I think it's because since there's 2 kids, one can be with Daddy and one can be with me. And then we switch! And then we play together! It's awesome! Now, what will happen when baby #3 comes? I don't know but it will be wonderful.
First of all, I am just about to post a blog with that same picture! Great minds. :) Secondly, enjoy this time with the sunbean. it is a special transition that comes with bringing another child into the world. i agree with so much of the above comments. life will be awesome!
For us, everyone adjusting to a third child was easier than the second. We did have special time with the older child[ren] before baby came. And did things after. I guess personalities can play a big part in the adjustment [and age spacing]. I didn't know that kids could struggle so much with having a new baby. Our experience wasn't all sunshine and roses. I guess I should write about our experience on my blog. Having same gender seemed to be better for our children.
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